'Help me save my marriage today. How to know if I should get back together after a split?'
This question is probably hounding you every night after separating from your spouse. I cannot help you answer this question, because no one can help you decide your happiness but yourself. However, what I can do is to guide you through this 3 stage decision making process so that you can make an informed decision on whether to move back in with your spouse.
Stage #1: Have a 'planned' separation
Married couples separate in hope to see if they have a future together. In fact, they do want to get back together but they need a good enough reason to do so. So, to prevent further conflicts and resentment towards your spouse, you must have a 'planned' separation.
This means that both of you have to agree on terms like; when to visit the children, financial agreements and basically all other aspects of the separation. Most importantly, if you want to save your marriage, it is crucial to let your partner know that the separation isn't the end of your marriage. It might seem like a matter of fact but it is always best to make things clear. Communicate with each other about your plans and make sure both of you stick to them.
Stage #2: Emotional Work
This is an excellent time to work on your emotions. With time apart from your spouse, spend quality time for yourself. Sort out the negative and positive feelings you have towards your marriage and pen them down. Now that you have that list of negative and positive feelings, first appreciate the good things about your marriage. Focus on those positives and amplify them to get your mind back into the 'sane region' before you proceed to do anything else.
Do not make a hasty decision just as yet. You also have to review those negative feelings about your marriage and work them out yourself or make plans to discuss it with your partner. You have to discuss the negatives too because if you rush back into your marriage before settling these issues, they are bound to resurface and cause your marriage to fall back into crisis.
Stage #3: Evaluation
After going through stage #1 and #2, it is time to evaluate your feelings honestly. Within these few months apart from each other, you are bound to have a clear or at least clearer picture on whether to stay together or separate. It is good to wait till the separation period is over before making a decision.
If you decide to get back together, make sure that the main issue that caused the separation is resolved. Otherwise, you will definitely have to go through stages #1 - #3 once again.
If you think that getting back with each other will only result in more heartaches and disagreements, then it is best to trust your feelings and go ahead with the divorce. On the other hand, if you decide to continue the marriage, make sure both of you have a good foundation for a healthy and new relationship.
If you are still unable to decide, what you can do is to spend more time together before moving back with each other. Go on dates and meet up for short meals to let yourself have a clear mind on whether you should continue your marriage or file for a divorce. Ask yourself, 'Should I save my marriage from divorce ?' and decide the answer that will make you happy.
Most importantly, nothing is perfect. We can only work towards having an ideal marriage but there are bound to be problems that will surface.
Stage #1: Have a 'planned' separation
Married couples separate in hope to see if they have a future together. In fact, they do want to get back together but they need a good enough reason to do so. So, to prevent further conflicts and resentment towards your spouse, you must have a 'planned' separation.
This means that both of you have to agree on terms like; when to visit the children, financial agreements and basically all other aspects of the separation. Most importantly, if you want to save your marriage, it is crucial to let your partner know that the separation isn't the end of your marriage. It might seem like a matter of fact but it is always best to make things clear. Communicate with each other about your plans and make sure both of you stick to them.
Stage #2: Emotional Work
This is an excellent time to work on your emotions. With time apart from your spouse, spend quality time for yourself. Sort out the negative and positive feelings you have towards your marriage and pen them down. Now that you have that list of negative and positive feelings, first appreciate the good things about your marriage. Focus on those positives and amplify them to get your mind back into the 'sane region' before you proceed to do anything else.
Do not make a hasty decision just as yet. You also have to review those negative feelings about your marriage and work them out yourself or make plans to discuss it with your partner. You have to discuss the negatives too because if you rush back into your marriage before settling these issues, they are bound to resurface and cause your marriage to fall back into crisis.
Stage #3: Evaluation
After going through stage #1 and #2, it is time to evaluate your feelings honestly. Within these few months apart from each other, you are bound to have a clear or at least clearer picture on whether to stay together or separate. It is good to wait till the separation period is over before making a decision.
If you decide to get back together, make sure that the main issue that caused the separation is resolved. Otherwise, you will definitely have to go through stages #1 - #3 once again.
If you think that getting back with each other will only result in more heartaches and disagreements, then it is best to trust your feelings and go ahead with the divorce. On the other hand, if you decide to continue the marriage, make sure both of you have a good foundation for a healthy and new relationship.
If you are still unable to decide, what you can do is to spend more time together before moving back with each other. Go on dates and meet up for short meals to let yourself have a clear mind on whether you should continue your marriage or file for a divorce. Ask yourself, 'Should I save my marriage from divorce ?' and decide the answer that will make you happy.
Most importantly, nothing is perfect. We can only work towards having an ideal marriage but there are bound to be problems that will surface.
There is an e-course called Save My Marriage Today - It provides you with a heap of information to help you get your marriage back on track. You can also sign up for my newsletter to get more free tips and advice to 'Save My Marriage Today!'
Reference:Rachel Mattin
Reference:Rachel Mattin
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