Dark bruises, broken hand, a split upper lip and a broken jaw on a woman and sometimes men are some of the Universal signs of someone who is in a physically abusive relationship. Unfortunately those signs are just the tip of the iceberg. Actually, they are more of a culmination of other forms of abuse that have been taking place before it becomes physical.
Thankfully, there have been individuals who have survived a physically abusive relationship.
However, there are individuals who do not realize they are in an abusive relationship until it becomes physical. Often times by then it is too late since whenever a relationship takes a physically abusive turn the abused individual is no longer able to defend his or herself and sadly this has cause a lot of men and women to have suffered irreparable damage.
Unfortunately, frequently we find that it is the women who are the victims of domestic violence that are the object of attention along with their children, but the men are not spoken about.
Sadly, men have suffered from physical abuse at the hands of women, but some are too ashamed to speak up and Society does not provide an open forum where these men can come forward.
Regardless of who is being abused or is being the abuser, both parties are victims.
Before a relationship becomes physically abusive there are two elements that are pre-requisites for this type of relationship to exist and they are also the main ingredients. They are two emotionally insecure individuals who are lacking in self-love. A relationship goes through two stages before it becomes physically abusive. The first one is the emotional abuse stage and the second is the verbal abuse stage. While we all have emotional issues and we are bound to experience them in our love relationships, there are ways in which we can avoid becoming a victim in either of the stages of abuse.
Ideally, it would be healthy to look inside ourselves and work on healing our insecurities we may have before we enter into a relationship. If there were any childhood traumas such as sexual abuse suffered at the hands of parents and or other family members, guardians, religious members, physical abuse or living with an alcoholic parent(s), these are issues that will cause severe problems in an adult's life if not treated. Once you recognize the signs of abuse whether on your part or on the part of your partner and you understand where the abuse is coming from, lovingly forgive yourself for accepting it, excusing it and doing it. Take time out from your relationship in order to heal yourself from your emotional traumas experienced during the relationship and during your childhood. Some of you may think that you had a great childhood and overall that maybe true.
However, if as a child you were not taught to be emotionally healthy, if your emotions were never validated and you were never taught or allowed to express certain emotions then that part of your childhood is missing. Or if you had parents that never really hugged you, or focused solely on you being a well-behaved child but never allowing you to just be a child, then you will develop into an emotionally bereft adult. Were your interests supported as a child or were you told that you should find something more constructive to do or something that made sense? As an adult this may translate into you are not good enough so you tend to seek out certain individuals in order to make yourself feel better. These individuals also don't feel good enough about themselves and oftentimes have a lot of residual anger. Abuse occurs when individuals have a lot of pent up emotions and the only way they can control it is to try and control someone else. This gives them a sense of power, which they never had as a child.
It is essential that you understand your background, which includes your family environment. You are a product of your environment and as such you are bound to repeat that environment in your adult life. It behooves you to try and avoid repeating your parent's life, because you will at some point or another. However, having an understanding of your background will assist you in healing yourself and thus work towards creating the kind of life you desire for yourself. Forcing or telling yourself intellectually that you will not be like your parents is a mental process and although it will allow you to live a life opposite from your parents or opposite from that of your childhood, it is only skin deep. To truly live your true self, you need to get below the surface and explore your emotions. Living from the level of your mind is not truly living. To truly have a happy life and feel more alive, you need to live from your heart. Analyze where you are coming from, explore the feelings that arise in you and be patient with yourself while you work thru these emotional issues. Working thru your parents issues that were projected unto you will help you to develop a personal growth program that works best for you. Striving to become an emotionally healthy adult is a reward in itself.
Reference:Trudy-Ann Ewan |
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