Verbal Abuse Signs & Help - Understanding and Thriving Beyond Verbal Abuse in Abusive Relationships

Verbal abuse, as well as emotional abuse, result in wounds and scars deep within. As a public service, we look at the impact upon the victim and offer recommendations for her surviving and thriving beyond the battering.

The following is part two of an interview with Kate Carlson, OTR/L interviewing Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D., leading expert in the subtle communication patterns of battering relationships.

QUESTION 1: What would you tell a person who is being verbally abused? How would you help her help herself?

Dr. King: The most important thing to realize is the verbal licks and kicks are not about you; rather they say more about your battering partner. And what it typically says is, his felt impotence is longing omnipotence in that particular moment in time.

As far as helping her help herself, this is the most important goal. Because as she does, she grows to no longer tolerate abuse and acquires skills for dealing with it. I would help her by first facilitating her awareness of the way in which the verbal abuse impacts her physically, emotionally and psychologically. From here, the prognosis improves manifold...because no one truly wants to be abused.

QUESTION 2: Do you discuss listening to one's inner voice? What do you recommend listening for in your inner voice? Can this be a contrast to the verbal abuse? If so, how?

Dr. King: Not only do I discuss listening to one's inner voice, I help my patients find and hear their inner voice. This is central to, even more...critical to, finding and knowing what's right for oneself.

You ask if the message of the inner voice is a contrast to the verbal abuse. It most definitely can be. You see, the inner voice is the message of what's right with you and reflects your highest good. So, you can pretty much expect this to be the opposite of the verbal licks and kicks intended to knock one down.

QUESTION 3: How would someone know if a friend may be being verbally/emotionally abused? Especially if it happens when the friend isn't right there to hear it? (Could you notice personality changes? What else?)

Dr. King: When you are with your friend and you observe her to be less than herself in the company of her partner, then you may suspect the strain of an abusive relationship. She may appear somewhat repressed, less spontaneous, more guarded when she is in public with him.

QUESTION 4: In abusive relationships, does verbal abuse/psychological abuse always precede physical or sexual violence - if these other abuses occur within a relationship? How do they "work" together/how do they interrelate?

Dr. King: This is an excellent question. First and most obvious, yes verbal and psychological abuse typically precede physical and sexual abuse in abusive relationships. Then once the relationship battering escalates to more physical altercations, a shift occurs. That is, from here on, the emotional and verbal abuse can then serve to let the victim know the big one is right around the corner.

QUESTION 5: How does a verbal abuser's reaction to a victim's speaking up work to silence her? (ex. When he says, "You're too sensitive" or "You're making a mountain out of a molehill" etc. How do these responses effectively silence her?)

Dr. King: Those responses discourage her connecting with her inner reality, and rather prompt her to question what she feels to be true. These responses by the batterer are intended to do exactly what you point out: silence her. They are comments of minimizing, externalizing, rationalizing, outright denying...all intended to maintain the status quo.

QUESTION 6: How does silencing her serve the (verbal) abuser?

Dr. King: As I've said, silencing her, aids in maintaining the status quo. A batterer will use battering to both establish and maintain unequal power within the relationship. And the silencing serves to maintain the control having been established.

QUESTION 7: Do you have any other comments regarding verbal abuse in general?

Dr. Jeanne King: Yes, verbal abuse can be regarded as friend, rather than foe. You see, when you use this indicator as a warning sign and if it co-exists in the context of the 5 red flags of an abusive relationship, you have all the information you need to make choices that serve your highest good...before and without ever getting hit.

Reference:Dr.Jeanne King

Relationship Problems Begin With Poor Communication

Many relationship problems often begin with poor communication. Many couples often feel that their partner should know what they are thinking and do not communicate their thoughts and wants to them. When couples start to experience poor communication in their relationship this is when relationship problems begin.

Relationship Problems & Listening Skills

When I tell couples that relationship problems begin with poor communication, most couples believe the answer is to improve their ability to speak. Actually the most effective way to prevent relationship problems is to improve listening skills. A couple could practice communication skills by repeating back what they just heard. This enables both couples to be on the same page. Couples often interrupt their partner and do not fully understand what their partner is saying. By repeating back to their partner what they thought they heard, the potential for misunderstanding or misinterpretation is greatly reduced. After someone has stated their opinion or position, the other person does not respond with their point. Instead they must repeat back to their partner, "What I am hearing you say is . . " and repeat back what they believe they heard their partner say to them. In this way the person who sent, and the person who received, the message can be sure they clearly understand their point of view.

Relationship Problems Can Affect Your Children

When you and your spouse have relationship problems your children also suffer. Many children fear that their parents will get a divorce if their parents fight. They also might fear that they have to choose sides. When you and your spouse are having difficulty in your relationship this would be a good time to reassure your children that they are loved and safe.

Take A Break From Your Relationship Problems

Relationship problems can lead to undue stress, anger and depression. If you and your partner are experiencing issues with poor communication or are generally having problems in your relationship it is important to take care of yourself. Take a break from the relationship problems and do something you enjoy. If you can set aside your argument, you and your partner would also benefit by doing something fun together. Continuous arguing without resolution can erode the feelings of closeness you once shared. Spending a little time together enjoying each other's company could enable you and your partner to regain some closeness. Hopefully when you resume your argument you and your partner will have a new perspective or appreciation that will help resolve the issue causing the relationships problems.

Reference: Lisa Dunning

Gemini Relationship - Dating Or Flirting With a Gemini Requires Wits

Dating or flirting with Gemini people seem to be easy but it is not. In fact people born under Gemini sun sign are witty and intelligent enough to fool you. Dating them requires some guts and some degree of intelligence.

No matter how smart you are; you will never realize that you are quite boring for your Gemini partner unless you share the same sun sign.

However it does not mean that you cannot date them. Gemini girls often seem to be interested in you but actually they are not. They love to talk about different things. Their intelligence is usually matched by very few other zodiac signs
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The most important thing to keep in mind is that you need not hurry up in taking the relationship forward until you are sure that your Gemini partner is really interested in you. They are very talkative and social by nature. Their ability to mix and mingle with different people might not be liked by you. It becomes somewhat difficult to find out if your partner is just making you feel friendly or she is really interested in you.

Make sure you spend enough time before you come to any conclusion. The charming persona and witty nature make Gemini people the centre of attraction anywhere they go. However they get bored very easily therefore they tend to start new relationship very fast. Dating a Gemini is real fun but you must be able to stimulate their curiosity intelligence. Be polite and do not show aggressiveness. Make sure you start the conversation with humor.

Read more about some dating and flirting tips before starting a Gemini relationship .You can also have your personalized compatibility test. Order your personalized Love horoscope to find out if you are compatible with your partner or you are just wasting your time and energy.

Reference:Felix Godwin

How to Get a Perfect Match For a Gemini Relationship

Gemini people are intelligent and fond of liberty. They tend to be romantic challenges to any potential partner.

Their face never should be a blank page. Additionally, the emotions are extreme in the youth; everything is either marvelous or definitely awful, a tendency which is somewhat overcome with the experience of age. Gemini relationships with men appear to be less moody than women.

Gemini individuals are fascinated by all aspects of the concept of love with the domestic angles. They believe in marriage in passionate love and no other reason. Those people who are governed by Gemini are lucky ones who know the deep feeling of true love. This can happen once in a lifetime to people who are born under this zodiac sign. This is a sign of people who need a partner who can understand them and who will be with them to the height of feelings.

Gemini relationships can be challenging for their partner. If you feel a good challenge inspires the cock eyed romantic within you, it means you can become the other half of a Gemini relationship. This type of undertaking needs patience, adaptability, and unexpected love. Living in Gemini relationship can be fun and rewarding thing to do if you know how to handle it.

Gemini relationships need an absolute compatible partner to understand their feeling and emotion. Here is given compatibility between other zodiac sign and Gemini. Just see below:

- Virgo- the love match between these signs will have loads of compatibility.

- Scorpio- love match between these signs brings across complete different individual
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- Pisces- it can be a great compatibility if they agree to make efforts.

- Sagittarius- it can be a great compatibility.

- Libra- it brings a perfect love match.

- Leo- great compatibility if they come together in love match.

- Gemini- it has equal chances of success and failure of relationship.

- Capricorn- the key role plays the adjustment.

- Cancer- these makes love match of apposite.

- Aquarius- a perfect love matches when they come unite.

- Taurus- it can face compatibility problems.

- Aries- an oomph factor between these love matches.

So the above listed zodiac signs gives the summaries of love matches of Gemini relationships. Read more about horoscope,love, matches, and compatibility in Gemini relationships.

Reference:Rebbecca Robert 

Online Single Dating - Options for Modern Singles

Online Single Dating sites are a mega market that brings singles together in a totally new way of dating. Whether we like it or not, the internet has changed our lives especially in the way we date and meet everyone. Here you will find some 6x top reasons why Online Single Dating can work for you.

People
A variety of reasons people look online for love includes the ease, abundance of singles and connectivity. With so many singles working long hours it is not always easy meeting some one. Online Single Dating sites give you the flexibility and time to look for that special someone. Enabling you to talk and get to know many people who are interested in people like you. There are 000's of other people out there who are willing to find a partner, to find their love just as much as you are.

Personal
Although uploading a photo and a good personal ad is essential for good results, it is not the most vital element for success. With the help of rapidly growing online community, online dating is becoming a part of our personal lives that you should not miss and at least have tried once in your lifetime for the fun and the benefits of online dating. In online dating, you do not have to reveal your personal details unless you want to. In fact never give out your personal information online, or on the phone. There are unscrupulous people out there.

Service
There are many niche online dating services it's increase in popularity is shown by the fact that Christian online dating services can command up to half a million members. There are to many niche sites to list.
The majority of dating sites offer a matchmaking service that aims to let couples that are compatible meet up in cyberspace. The downside of having so many services at your fingertips is not knowing which dating service to go with. By finding the right qualities in a dating service, you will be able to find the right qualities in the people you meet as you navigate the world of online dating.

Photo
A great photo alone is not enough. If you do not have a photo on your profile it will just get ignored. When you do upload a photo make sure it's a close up and clear smiling one.
They upload a poor grainy photo, or worse yet, they upload a photo with their ex-girlfriend scribbled out. Millions of single women are making these online dating profile photo mistakes. The most common error on a single women's profile photo is it's taken from too far away.

Meeting
Online dating is becoming the most popular way of meeting new people. Online Single Dating sites have always been, and always will be safer than meeting someone you don't know in a bar.

Online Single Dating helps build comfort, connection, attraction, and anticipation before chatting on the phone or meeting in person - good for girls that are around a computer a lot and/or live with their parents/roommates. Chat to and find out about your date i.e. what their interests are, what you have in common before meeting them for dinner where you will probably have a couple of glasses of wine.

Sites
There are many sites out there to choice from but which one and where do I find it?
Try Online Single Dating Sites these sites review all the market on the internet, selecting only the best. Reviewing what is topical, putting together the categories on offer, listing the membership numbers. Showing you the advantages of various sites so you can then make a comparison and decision, saving you the time and effort.

While online dating through paying membership sites may seem like the safer way for adult dating online, it is important that you get what you pay for. With over 100 free online dating sites, you may have to weed through many inappropriate sites until you get find the right one, but if you are not getting your money's worth through your current membership in your online dating service, free may be the way to go. Pay sites expect a commitment, maybe you are thinking about online dating but are not sure how to go about it or if you will be comfortable.

Reference:Elaine Olden

Online Adult Single Personals and Singles Dating Site

Loneliness is a bane of the modern society. It is stressful and can induce disease. The reason is man is a gregarious animal and has been living in groups or pair since the prehistoric times. That loneliness is a phenomenon of the modern era is quite true. Not that people were not lonely in olden days, but then the societal norms where tight, the institution of marriage was rife with popularity, and anyway the split was not easy. The reason economic dependency childcare and safe haven that a woman needed from her husband, hence divorce was a male prerogative.

But today like men, women are severely independent and with a strong opinionated mind, that defines ones sensitivities. Hence, matching with the right man has become a daunting task for most single woman. Like wise making a perfect match for single men has become challenging too.

The online singles personals on dating site on Internet are full of singles dating women and men seeking relationship for romance, love or marriage. There are thousands of ads of singles who are there after a split due to lack of compatibility and what not. Therefore, you have photo personals ads of single mum or parent seeking a new relationship with someone whom they would eventually find marital bliss or a long term relationship.

In a fast paced modern society singles have no time for anything but professional pursuits. A business man or a professional woman has no time for visiting a dating agency or a marriage bureau on land. As it is, the reach of a land based dating agency is severely restricted to a local area.

Hence, online dating sites or online match dating services are the only means for single men or single women to find a compatible match. In an adult dating site, there is always an option for single dating with singles personals interested in matchmaking.

The online dating sites on Internet are fast and effective in delivery and their matchmaker delivers weekly matches right on your personal computer via email messaging. You need not visit the online matchmaking service, just open your mail, check for a perfect match, and then proceed further if things work out fine. If you browse adult personals ads on the dating site then you have thousands of singles profiles form all over for you to seek a match from anywhere. Browse the personals ads carefully and then if someone is suitable then proceed with a wink or send a message and wait for a response.

The matchmaking or relationship building process can be taken further through live web cams, online chat and of course through emails for anonymity, initially. Far outstanding then land based dating agency the Internet dating sites offer great ease and comfort as a date finder. Therefore the popularity of online dating services is growing day by day.

Reference:Suresh Nair

Matchmaking Personals That Will Make a Difference

Matchmaking personals are necessary if you want to find a mate using online dating services. The personals reveal who you are to the world, as you seek to get the best out of online matchmaking. It is therefore paramount to take time writing your matchmaking personals. This is what many online dating agencies will tell you. You need to come up with personals that capture who you are in an interesting manner. In most online services for dating, members have the freedom to browse through the profiles of members and, creating a good impression goes a very long way. Many services will guide the members to writing winning matchmaking personals. The perfect personals must have many qualities. Some of those qualities include the following. After you register with a matchmaking service, you will have to write a profile or personal. All the personal information you give out will be used for the purpose of matchmaking. The first thing is length. You should know how long your personal ad should be. Many services specify the number of words one should use to the maximum.

You will also be informed if you write very few words. You should state what you are all about. Your dreams, hobbies, aspirations and others should come out clearly. They reflect your attitude and this is one of the major factors that singles are looking for. Nobody wants to be stuck with a person who has a low opinion about life. Zeal and life is a building block of relationships. This applies to both men and women. Your personals need to be exciting. You can do this by incorporating humor and a light language. An ideal profile needs to be a maximum of 250 words. The first half should be spent in talking about yourself while the other half will be spent talking about what you want in a mate. I'm sure you have come across personals which have been dedicated to talking about what they would want in a partner. Lack of balance is one of the weaknesses that ignorant singles have. Consequently, they end up not having the results they would have hoped for. It is therefore vital to employ all the things that will enable you write a profile with a difference.

A good personal ad needs to have all the necessary information. For example, if you are single with children, you need to include this fact but, you need not to dwell on your kids for too long. Make your profile stand out by including all the unique things you have done. This might be knowledge of a new language and others. You will be surprised at the singles who share your experiences. If you have visited certain countries overseas, you need to make sure you mention this. You will be ahead compared to a person who decides to omit these details. Matchmaking personals are never complete without a good photo. This is because by including your image, your unique attributes will increase your traffic 15 times. If you put a face to your profile, you will definitely find what you are looking for; a wholesome partner. Personals are therefore everything when it comes to online dating. Take time and make sure you write what is going to make you smile. You cannot go wrong with this.

Reference:Francis K. Githinji